ISIS adds few violent white supremacists in bid to get the U.S. to rescind the terrorist tesignation

Explaining that they hoped the personnel changes would enable the organization to avoid the State Department’s scrutiny, ISIS leaders announced Monday that they had added a few violent white supremacists to the group in a bid to get the U.S. to rescind its designation of ISIS as terrorists.

“Being branded a terrorist organization has really made it difficult for ISIS to operate, so we’re pleased to introduce several members of racist white militia groups considered to be safe, respectable, and law-abiding in the eyes of the U.S. government,” said ISIS spokesman Abu Hassan al-Muhajir in a video released by the organization, adding that he would go so far as to label the white supremacists “the new face of ISIS.”

“We know we have a checkered past as far as America is concerned, but we hope bringing in members of white hate groups with documented histories of death threats and violence will prompt the State Department to view us in a new light. We expect this to be a fruitful collaboration, as we actually have a lot in common, and it turns out they have many more guns than we do. We anticipate the U.S. will extend to us the same understanding and support they offer to their own sectarian racial supremacists.”

At press time, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo announced that ISIS was no longer officially considered a terrorist organization based on their members’ newfound strong support for President Trump.

Source: The Onion